Semalam gi jumpa Dyg.... Cian dia sbb ayah baru jer meninggal n masih sedih....
Tapi pelik, lain rasa sedih yang dia rasa daripada apa yang aku rasa, walaupun aku juga baru kematian ayah.... Mungkin itulah orang kata, diorang boleh memahami tapi apa yang jadi t semalam membuatkan aku tidak mampu bersetuju apabila orang kata kasih sayang dan kesedihan nie adalah sama dan semua orang boleh memahami....
Kesian kat Dyg, kesedihan dia tak mampu jentik rasa dalam hati nie untuk merasai kesedihan yang serupa..... Hati aku dah sekeras batu mungkin memandangkan aku terpaksa bertungkus lumus sepanjang hidup aku untuk memelihara hati ni supaya tabah terhadap segala dugaan ini....
Dyg nampak cam keliru memandangkan dalam pada kematian ayahnya, dia jugak menghadapi perkara2 lain di luar jangkaan dan tak sepatutnya berlaku.... I am not going into detail of these as it is Dyg story..... But anyway, I really hope Dyg will be much stronger than me as she still yet to have other of her family member to support her.... May allah bless her father...Amin......
And for me myself, all these hurt that I still feel even after the death of my father seriously a pain that killing me each day..... Everyone else describe it as a unforgiveable hateness from me while I am not..... it's not that whether I forgive them or not but the matter here is, I cannot live with them anymore.....
Terseksa kerana tidak difahami..... .
Please lah don't push me anymore... No one will ever understand (which by the statement might not true, bcoz there's some of my friends that do seems to understand bcoz they know the details of what have happened in my life and instead of saying "apapun dia mak kau dan diorang family ko" they just ask me to be patient and strong...) They did not expect the thing will get worse after so many years, so do I, but no one really understand how traumatic I become after each and everything yang diorang sanggup buat pada I......
Some do give comment that it is unbelievable and do say that it's like a drama or film (or are they trying to say that i am a drama queen actually?.. i don't know for sure) but that's what really happen in my life.... And now, I choose my own life okay! I want the best for my lfe, much more important for my kids.... I don't want to live in that trauma and I don't want whatever happened to me happen to my kids in the future....
Don't push me..... Aku manusia biasa, ada tahap kesabaran dan keimanan yang terhad.... Takde maknanya aku nak menggembirakan, membahagiakan orang yang tak menghargai apa yang aku buat dan tek pernah fikir kebahagian dan kegembiraan aku....
Apalah maknanya dalam pada aku cuba memperbaiki keadaan nie, diorang semakin bongkak dan merasakan diorang yang betul dalam segala-gala hal sehinggakan tak nampak apa yang diorang buat tue dah banyak kali menjerumuskan aku dalam kebinasaan....
Aku tak perlukan apa2 lagi bentuk penyeksaan... aku berhak untuk rasa bahagia... aku berhak untuk berjaya.... Aku berhak untuk menyayangi, rasa kasih dan sayang, dan berhak untuk disayangi!!!!
Full Stop....
Terseksa kerana tidak difahami..... .
Please lah don't push me anymore... No one will ever understand (which by the statement might not true, bcoz there's some of my friends that do seems to understand bcoz they know the details of what have happened in my life and instead of saying "apapun dia mak kau dan diorang family ko" they just ask me to be patient and strong...) They did not expect the thing will get worse after so many years, so do I, but no one really understand how traumatic I become after each and everything yang diorang sanggup buat pada I......
Some do give comment that it is unbelievable and do say that it's like a drama or film (or are they trying to say that i am a drama queen actually?.. i don't know for sure) but that's what really happen in my life.... And now, I choose my own life okay! I want the best for my lfe, much more important for my kids.... I don't want to live in that trauma and I don't want whatever happened to me happen to my kids in the future....
Don't push me..... Aku manusia biasa, ada tahap kesabaran dan keimanan yang terhad.... Takde maknanya aku nak menggembirakan, membahagiakan orang yang tak menghargai apa yang aku buat dan tek pernah fikir kebahagian dan kegembiraan aku....
Apalah maknanya dalam pada aku cuba memperbaiki keadaan nie, diorang semakin bongkak dan merasakan diorang yang betul dalam segala-gala hal sehinggakan tak nampak apa yang diorang buat tue dah banyak kali menjerumuskan aku dalam kebinasaan....
Aku tak perlukan apa2 lagi bentuk penyeksaan... aku berhak untuk rasa bahagia... aku berhak untuk berjaya.... Aku berhak untuk menyayangi, rasa kasih dan sayang, dan berhak untuk disayangi!!!!
Full Stop....
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